What can we expect

Greetings in the name of Christ,

When we see our loved one(s) heading down the wrong path, we begin to experience a myriad of emotions; fear, anger, mistrust perhaps. We try every conceivable method to redirect their actions, but all to often our efforts fall on deaf ears. This frustration certainly contributes to feelings of resentment. It doesn’t help that we now have to lock up and hide from plain site the usual things we would leave in the open like; our wallets, prescription medications and liquor.

Resentments occur when needs or requests aren’t met. Inevitably, if you have a drug user, alcoholic, gambler or promiscuous person living with you, you will no doubt experience resentment on some level. Though resentment is a natural response to unanswered pleas, if entertained long enough, it can transform into a root of bitterness.

The banalities of addicts, (whatever their addiction may be), include jail, prison, psych wards and hospital ER visits. Though we may not view a high-speed chase or drug bust banal, it certainly is common place to them. This never ending cycle of failure can cause the loved one(s) left behind, to look upon their counter part (in whom they have put their trust), through eyes of contempt. This severely adds to the already existing feelings of worthlessness within the offender. (“I am never going to make it so why should I bother?”) Paradoxically the offender entertains grandiose delusions of being something other than a broke down junkie. Compassion and wisdom is what is required here rather than resentment.

I am not saying that your feelings of betrayal are not valid, they are. What I purpose is a release of these resentments through the act of forgiveness. Forgiving the offender is an inward action not an outward one. You cannot change the mind or heart of someone who has hurt you. You cannot convince them that they are in the wrong and should apologize, this thought presupposes that they are remorseful to begin with. By the virtue that they have hurt you, should at the very least, warn you of a greater underlying issue. You must understand that they may not not be capable of even basic responsibilities.

What forgiveness does is releases YOU from bitterness. Continue to take the necessary steps to protect your property from a thieving dope fiend. Don’t let them continue to just waltz in whenever they want and take whatever they want. I know you love them, I know that you don’t want to lose them or the time that you have put into the relationship, but . . . enough is enough. Enabling only fosters a spirit of entitlement. At the same time you are ad(ministering) tough love, do it with the understanding and wisdom that they are sick and need help. Set yourself free by forgiving. This will allow you to have an objective view of their healing process as God deals with them, on their level, where they are at, just like God does for you. May God bless you richly. Amen.

Rev. Larriba

 

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